i would punch a child for taco bell
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
