New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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