Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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