I wanna bring you to show and tell
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
this is an emotional support booty call
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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