I think I just saw someone hide a body.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
