he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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