you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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