I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
