I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
