Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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