i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
