This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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