Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
