seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
