My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
