would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
