So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
