I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
