fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
