He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
