I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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