Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
