She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
