is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
