overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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