Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
