I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
