its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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