The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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