Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
