just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
