Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
