It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
