Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
