i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
