there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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