Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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