Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
