She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
