i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
