The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
