sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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