how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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