i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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