oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
