pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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