Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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