i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
