Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
