I must be too annoying 4 u.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
